Michael Symon's B Spot - Strongsville, OH

Four of Five Pebbles

Have you ever hit the Spot? I mean, the Spot? That spot that makes you moan with pleasure, causes your heart to skip a beat, raises your blood pressure, over works your salivary glands, decreases your I.Q. and releases sticky, tasty juices that run all over your fingers and lips? Of course you haven't. That was a stupid question. Forget about it. Because if you had, you'd be doing it right now!

But let's get serious for a moment. Like Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, those famous explorer with a taste for wild adventures and indian maidens, some of us have set out on journeys in search of the elusive spot without the luxury of previous experience, guidance from our friends or parent (because they never found it either), nor any idea from Garmin of how to get to where we are going. Wherever that may be. You understand, don't you? It is quite difficult to define that which has only been found by a handful of over achievers who, up until recently, have kept the secret of the spot all to themselves. 

So zip up that droopy frown because there is still hope for us laypeople to whom the gods have yet to bestow the gift of discovery (yeah, we'll call it that). There are, in fact, a few that have come before us who are more than willing to share their wisdom and experience with those less fortunate than themselves. One particular bald member of this exclusive society is a talented and well known meat slinger by the name of Michael Symon.

Michael's legendary meat prowess is available to everyone with a few bucks to toss around in one of his B Spot burger restaurants. With numerous locations from which to choose, Michael makes it easy to find one of his spots. I chose the Strongsville, Ohio location for its proximity to mine and asked for the Red Hot Burger special.

The Red Hot burger, although a view at the right angle and light makes it appear other worldly (like food from Uranus), it is indeed quite flavorful and packs just enough of a kick. The soft brioche bun was well toasted but the bottom became soggy quickly with all of the juices that ran out when I gave the burger a gentle squeeze. That, unfortunately, left me having to use a knife and fork to finish. The barbecued pork atop the burger gave some nice acidity and was a Carolina style accompaniment. The burger patty was surprisingly tender and cooked a perfect medium (as I requested) with a bit of salt and pepper. With the addition of jalapeños and a layer of melted jack cheese, the flavors climax in your mouth and will keep you coming back for more!

The Lola fries were crispy and tender while the Lola ketchup, which tasted of ancho chili and cumin, paired well with them. Unfortunately, the onion rings left much to be desired and did not appear to have been hand breaded. If, in fact, they were of the frozen variety, I find it an unacceptable alternative in both class and flavor.

Overall, the flavors at this B Spot were spot-on (sorry) and far above the average burger joint. The speed at which my meal was served after I ordered was impressive, even by the standards of a thirteen-year-old boy with his father's bedside magazines.

The meal was enjoyable and I do believe the praises thus far received by Michael Symon are well deserved and likely to continue. After having had this experience and having been shown the way a burger should be, I now frequently have dreams of that wet, juicy goodness oozing around my finger and I find myself with a strange longing for another shot at the B Spot.

Serious Burger. Seriously!

How do you make a hormone? That is perhaps a more baffling question than "Why did the chicken cross the road?". As children, we were often told of the trials and tribulations of the disoriented chicken and the many reasons why it would ever want to cross the road. From "To cock-a-doodle-do something", or the standard "To get to the other side", the answer was never really known. That is, until now! 

According to the National Institute of Health, the real reason that chickens began crossing roads is because, much like humans, they developed a taste for artificial colors, man made ingredients and pink slime in their food. The cravings and sudden urges of the Gallus gallus domesticus brought on by the jonesing affect of monosodium glutamate and nitrate infested foods is the real reason behind the chicken's erratic behavior patterns. 

Those same patterns have recently been observed in humans. Additional studies by authorities such as the World Health Organization, the World Health Animal Trust and the Wholesome Hygiene Earth Resources Entity, have proven that 87.3% of all restaurant food consumed in the United States contains nearly 76% of the worlds badifoyasodum concentration! For those of you not familiar with the class of chemicals badifoyasodum, there are many articles referencing its use in the US food supply and additional information can be found by simple internet searches. Simply stated, badifoyasodum is the leading cause of crossing the road for no apparent reason among both chickens and humans alike! 

So, how does one avoid being poisoned with badifoyasodum (also known as BFD Syndrome)? It's really quite simple. STOP EATING CRAP FOOD! For starters, look for freshly prepared foods when you dine out. Food with minimal ingredients, rGBH free beef and organic labeling. Yes, these foods cost a bit more, but is it not worth your health to spend a bit more for quality?

 I bring all of this up because I recently stopped by Serious Burger in Appleton, Wisconsin. Yes, it is a bit pricier for a burger joint, but you get what you pay for! You can go to Five Guys (which I have on more than one occasion) and get mediocre food with ingredients that are only found on the banned list in many European countries and you will pay a bit less, but what are you getting? Nothing special. You might as well be eating slime burgers for what it's worth. 

The service at Serious burger was fine. The flavor of the beef and the quality of the fresh Brioche bun was outstanding! On my list of the top three burgers I have ever eaten! The fresh fried egg added richness to the entire experience and the seasoning was just right. The Truffle Oil fries were nothing special and I would recommend sticking to the regular fries, but that burger is certainly something to write about!

So if you have the taste buds of an average moron who enjoys a burger simply because it took more than four guys to make it and costs a bit less, by all means have it your way. But if you really want to enjoy the flavor of organic beef on a fresh bun and you have an extra buck to spend on your health, go to Serious Burger.

It only takes eating a Serious Burger to make you moan with pleasure. To make a hormone, however, you have to not pay her. 

Buca Di Beppo - Appleton WI

Pebble Score:

So what do Hulk Hogan, Jay Leno, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone and Lindsay Lohan have in common? Well, aside from naturally hairy chests, their aspirations of Popeness, and a love for the female form, they are all of Italian descent. 

Now, it is widely rumored, and accepted as fact, that all celebrities having any amount of Italian in their heritage, aspire to be Pope. After all, who else can throw tantrums, tell a large portion of the population how to live their lives, and wear silly hats? Unfortunately, due to the tremendous physical strain and the fact that only men can become Pope, the only one sure to endure through the rigors of Conclave and eventually be appointed as the Supreme Pontiff is, undoubtedly, Madonna. 

So why the big fuss over trying to become Pope? Is it the fancy robes, the many rings adorned with precious stones, the really cool Pope-Mobile, the fact that you own all Catholics, or, is it the young alter boys? No! All of these benefits can already be had by many celebrities. The one benefit of Popeship that can only be bestowed with Popedom, is the privilege of having your bust at the center of the Pope's Table at every Buca di Beppo restaurant! What could be better? Although many have had Madonna's bust, the pleasure has yet to be bestowed onto the center of a Buca di Beppo table. 

The only way we peasants can even get close to such an honor as having our busts at the center of a dining table (other than changing your name to Skittles, oiling yourself up and dancing for dollar bills on a table at Olive Garden), is to reserve the Pope Table at your favorite Buca di Beppo location. Well, not having 15 friends with whom to share the table at the new Appleton location, but still wanting to see what the fuss was all about, my dining partner and I had to settle for a small booth in a corner watched over by our server, Pat. 

The atmosphere is happily busy with about 17.2 million photos on the walls and the vibrant sounds of Italian music echoing through the entire space. 

We started our meal with a pricey little appetizer of Bruschetta [broo-sket-uh, -shet-uh; It. broo-sket-tah]. Crisp Italian bread covered with olive oil and Parmesan cheese. Individually sliced grape tomatoes and basil overflowed the top giving it a fresh and authentic flavor. The price point  of almost $11 was a little steep in my opinion (this is Appleton not LA), but the work that goes into it and the final result makes this appetizer for two almost worth the price. 

I chose the Tomato and Basil soup as my accompaniment. Presentation was a bit sloppy and could have used a few bits of fresh basil on top which would have really stood out against the color of the base. Flavor was a bit better than Campbell's, but the tomato seeds were not completely strained out of the soup and they ended up having the effect of large boulders on an otherwise smooth country road - Da da da da da da ........ BAM! Not to my liking. 

My entree was the popular Spaghetti with Meat Ball. Yes, "Meat Ball". Singular. Peerless. Only one. Having no other. Lance Armstrong. But, as Sheryl Crow might attest to, one is enough! The large meat balls served at this place are a meal in themselves! The spaghetti was cooked perfectly al dente. The sauce tasted fresh with lots of garlic slices and Italian goodness but had separated and left a puddle of flavor at the bottom of the bowl. The pasta had a hard time hanging on to the loose sauce and it was a bit difficult to incorporate all of the flavors onto each bite. The meat ball had a great flavor with well rounded herbs and spices and was reminiscent of my Aunt Bunny's meatloaf. I wouldn't mind having a couple of those balls on an Italian hoagie with fresh mozzarella and basil! 

Overall, my meal at Buca di Beppo was quite flavorful with a freshness not usually found in other Italian chain restaurants. I felt the lunch prices were a bit high for the area, maybe deterring some guests, and the prices are perhaps the reason for the less-than-stellar Urbanspoon rating. Perhaps all of those poor ratings are from those who do not appreciate the size of Buca's balls! Although not as large as Madonna's, when you experience one, it leaves you feeling like a virgin! 

Polonia Cafe - Polonia WI

Date of Visit: 4-01-2012

Time of Visit: 9:10 AM

Pebble Score:

Two Poles immigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

So, I am stomping on my brakes and typing this quite a bit slower than I normally would. Why? Well, if you have to ask, than I'm writing this for you. I, thought, I, would, put, in, an, extra, comma, now, and, then, to, slow, the, pace,, but, that, just, makes, me, look, like, I, am, part, of, the, "in", crowd. 

There is a misconception that Poles are from Poland, but, as a matter of fact, they come from either the North or the South. Despite the prejudice that surrounds Poles, they are responsible for a variety of inventions and discoveries that have all but dispelled the notion that they can't change a light bulb without ensuing hilarity or that they are easily coaxed out of a tree. Reality about Poles is quite contrary to popular beliefs: Poles are famous for their vaults and their beans; it was a Pole that won the first auto racing time trials; Presidents have relied on their systems to become elected; and Poles were instrumental  with the delivery of electricity to rural areas of the country.

We, as Americans, are familiar with many great slogans that have become the icons of this great nation. Slogans like: "Only you can prevent forest fires.", "Take a bite out of crime.", "A mind is a terrible thing to waste.", and "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.", are all shining examples of the intellectual minds at work within our marketing borders. Poles are in no way less than masters of the slogan. In fact, Pole masters have come up with a great new tag line that is one of the best I've ever encountered: "Poles, helping dancers pay their bills one dollar at a time!"

Food is another area where Poles excel, and although Pole masters have not come up with a slogan that epitomizes their strudel, kielbasa or pierogi, their eating establishments found throughout Wisconsin are typically a crap-shoot of mediocrity or fabulousness. Of the establishments I have encountered, the Polonia Cafe bullseyes more towards the fabulousness than the mediocrity. 

This little cafe in the middle of Polish America is a buzz with all of the locals and passers-by alike. I have had the pleasure of dining here on a couple of occasions and have never been disappointed with either the service or the food. Becky, our server on this Sunday morning, was pleasant and could take and dish out a bit of sass which gained her high marks in my book! The decor was laden with Packer paraphernalia (surprise!) but also displayed the pride and history of the town in the many vintage photographs that were scattered throughout. Perhaps the only downside to the atmosphere and feel of yesteryear, was the constant staccato sounds of tubas and accordions that blurted out from the little white discs from hell mounted on the ceiling.

This place is small and can get quite busy during prime meal hours, so if you don't like patrons that are waiting for a seat to salivate all over themselves while watching you eat your homemade meal, you may want to take a seat on the edges of the dining room or come in just before or after prime times.

You can judge the quality of the ingredients used in an establishment by the quality of the condiments on the tables. Polonia Cafe not only has the Smucker's jams and jellies, but they also provide the flavored International Delights creamers right at the table. The food that was delivered reflects the quality ingredients that are used and was perfectly cooked and quite flavorful with a hint of a seasoned cast iron. No salt was needed and I enjoyed every bite! 

I hope everyone that reads this post (both of you, thanks) will give this little gem in the midst of  Portage County and the Polish Heritage Highway a try to help support the local Polish community. Perhaps, together, we can finally put to rest the playground like bullying that has suppressed these great people and the Poles can finally stand erect. With a little work and a stroke of luck, there can be an erect Pole in all of us!

Ranchito - Stevens Point, WI

Date of Visit: 3-16-2012

Time of Visit: 10:00 AM

Pebble Score:

The likelihood of running into an authentic Mexican restaurant in central Wisconsin is about as good as getting shot in the ass with a potato gun by a bisexual, three-nippled midget (BTM). But now that I think about it, however, I believe that is actually a popular festival in one of the local towns like Polonia or something. Yeah, now I remember, it's the Itty-bitty-three-titty-yam-spanker Festival! It's held every year during the first full moon after the local potato harvest and it marks the anniversary of the Lilliputians' rise to power in France. Oui, oui! 

Now, it is widely known that the number one enemy of Minikins, as the BTM's are more commonly referred, are Mexican immigrants. Mexicans come from as far away as Mexico. They leave their families and vast fortunes behind risking their lives on treacherous journeys for the mere chance to capture a Minikin and encase it in paper mache. That actually leads into how pinatas came about, but I will leave that for another post. 

With their hopes fading, and their dreams of capturing the more-elusive-than-a-chupa-cabra Minikin dashed, Mexicans have no choice but to fend for themselves and try to eek out their own American dream. With pesos in hand and tamale recipes ingrained in their childhood memories, they open up taquerias on every other corner of Main Street USA. And now, we have another one in Stevens Point, Wisconsin. 

Ranchito, is as close to authentic Mexican food as you can find around central Wisconsin without making it yourself. They offer breakfast with both traditional and Mexican dishes and are open for lunch and dinner as well. I ordered up a Mexican Machaca with shredded beef, cheese, tomatoes, onion, peppers and a host of yummy spices all topped with a couple of over easy eggs. Just like mom use to make! The flavor of the cumin came through with only some slight heat and as you cut into the eggs, the yolks sluiced their way through the dish and added an element of creaminess and richness that I will certainly go back and eat again, and again. 

Now, no Mexican dish would be complete without tortillas, and this one was no exception. I had a choice of regular corn, flour or home made corn and the choice for the home made was obvious. Although they were not hand pressed, rather pressed with a manual tortilla press, they were thick and had a great corn flavor and I mopped up every last morsel of goodness with the final bites.

The service was great and the sounds of "Estas son las mañanitas" kinda take you on a foodie trip south of the border.  The owner, Mr. Perez, is very attentive to everything that goes on in the restaurant. My bill had an error on it but he took care of it promptly and with many apologies. 

Overall, it was a good experience with good food and tasteful decor at a reasonable price. The building is small and could use a bit more seating, but the booths are comfortable and the restaurant is fairly new so the traffic is still slower than it should be until the word gets out. 

So, if you get a craving for some authentic Mexican food and you find yourself in the Stevens Point area, give Ranchito a try. Bring your appetite and your Visa card. Because, as I learned, they don't take kindly to strangers trying to pay with a Minikin squirming around in a burlap sack, and they don't take American Express. 

Famous Dave's - Appleton, WI

Date of Visit: 3-15-2012

Time of Visit: 12:30

Pebble Score:

Chicken, ribs or steak, it don't matter what you cook. If it ain't been barbecued, then it don't cut it in my book. From the back roads of the deep South to the Texas panhandle, I have had the pleasure of sampling some of this country's best BBQ. Arthur Bryant's, Charles Vergos' Rendezvous, Baker's Ribs and countless other juke joints throughout the South have left me with an insatiable craving for that myoglobin/carbon monoxide reaction that can only come from slow smoking unsuspecting  and lethargic animals in huge pits of fire and brimstone! YUM! 

Enter, stage left, Famous Dave's. I first discovered Dave's BBQ at his Blues Club on Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis soon after moving to Wisconsin from South Texas (what the hell was I thinking?). I enjoyed a great night of beer, blues and cue with some co-workers and I have been a loyal follower ever since!

I recently had the opportunity to sample Dave's Appleton, Wisconsin store. Same decor as most of his other stores (There's a sale at Penny's!) with the all too familiar aroma of burnt offerings coming from the kitchen. Those burnt offerings rejuvenate everything! If you close your eyes, you can see the old empty steel drums found by Billy Bob and Bubba down by that der canal over yonder, cut in half and brimming with hardwood coals and ashes. Betcha can get some good flavor from them drums. Heck, they got them bone pictures on 'em! But I digress. 

I was seated by the hostess (fancy!) and then ordered the Rib Tips (naked, of course) with the Roasted Chicken, BBQ beans and fries. Being the lunch rush, things took about 15 minutes, but I was able to entertain myself by scribbling dirty words, in alphabetical order (I have to do it in alphabetical order, I am a little CDO), on all of the sugar and not-so-sugar packets. The couple seated behind me must have thought me strange when I kept giggling and then kindly asked to exchange my container for theirs. Luckily, the food arrived before I got the letter "F". 

The naked tips were mounded on half my plate. I read a review of this restaurant on Urbanspoon by ManBearPig that you should never order the tips because they are meat scraps and the marrow leaks out of the bones. YUM! Apparently, this neanderthal had no idea that rib tips are short, meaty sections of rib that are attached to the lower end of the spare ribs, between the ribs and the sternum. Unlike back ribs or spare ribs, the structure of the rib is provided by dense costal cartilage, NOT BONE! Bonehead! Rib tips are cut away from the spare ribs when preparing St. Louis Style spare ribs.

Anyway, the tips were a bit greasy with loads of fat but the dry rub is full of flavor and lends itself quite well to be dunked with a multitude of sauces. The beans were great with a nice BBQ flavor and the chicken was a little dry but flavorful. Now, you might ask why I got my Rib Tips NAKED? Simple, really. If you get them naked, you can savor each one with a different sauce! The Texas Pit, Devil's Spit, and the Georgia Mustard are my favorites and I never, ever, use ketchup for my fries. With all of those sauces on the table, why would you use anything else?

Dave's Sauces

The service was okay, but nothing to write home about. So I won't write about it.

Overall, for a Northwoods boy, Dave does a fine job with BBQ and I am able to get my smoke fix whenever I have the occasion to be traveling near one of his joints. The best part of the meal was that wonderful corn muffin they serve on every plate! Like sucking Kansas through a bee's ass (maybe they will use that characterization in their menu)! Not sure how they make those delectable little morsels, but i'm certain Dave will be more than willing to share his recipe with me so I can then post it to this blog and become famous myself! But I'm not holding my breath because, just like the rib tips, there's a fat chance of that! 

El Mezcal - Marshfield, WI

Date of Visit: 03-12-2012

Time of Visit: 6:00 PM

Pebble Score:

Oh, Mexico. I never really been but I'd sure like to go. Where I'd imagine the sun warms your skin, causes the agave to grow to astounding heights and you find yourself wishing you had a damn hat or some SPF 30! Luckily, for us northern folk, we can get a bit of the divine flavor from our south facing immigrant producing machine right in our own back yards. It seems like Mexican restaurants have sprouted up everywhere like illegals trying to hide under a cabbage truck. So many, in fact, that giant burritos, churros and sizzling fajita plates have become ubiquitous in American cuisine.

I recently had the opportunity to visit El Mezcal in Marshfield, WI. This restaurant comes highly recommended by the locals as is evident by their Urbanspoon rating. The decor is quite a cliche' and you can just imagine yourself whisked away to some fiesta in the heart of San Francisco by a gay caballero! Still, the place is inviting and has a festive feel. The hostesses were of non-suntanned descent and I immediately felt as if I had been sucked into some sort of oxymoronic time warp where I was certain to find both Amilia Earhart and Herve Villechaize enjoying happy hour margaritas on the wings of a Lockheed Electra yelling; "Da plane! Da plane!"

I was accompanied by a few other members of my family and we were quickly seated in one of those long booths that have multiple tables and wouldn't you know it, right next to some of the only other patrons in the place. Strike one. The chips and salsa came flying in hot, flavorful and never-ending. Another human of non-suntanned descent took our order and politely asked if we needed anything right away. Since we happened to be celebrating one of our group's birthday, we gladly threw them under the bus and asked for a Mexican Hat Dance! This was going to be hilarious! 

Our food came out quickly and was served hot with warm plates to ensure the cheeses stayed melted. Good call. An order of meat nachos, cheese nachos, a taco salad with more meat than lettuce, cheese sauce, bean dip, more chips and salsa, and an order of pork chile colorado with six mechanically produced tortillas were laid out before us. Everyone was happy with their choice of food and the portions were generous. The chili colorado (my dish) was a little tough, but was flavorful with a twinge of heat. I added some bottled Tapatio salsa and all was better.

Refills on drinks were a little slow, but they did eventually come. Towards the end of the meal, the plates were cleared and a surprise ice cream sundae with raspberry and fudge sauces was laid before the birthday girl in the group. The mandatory Mexican hat that accompanied the sundae and had been worn by countless other celebrants without the mere thought of disinfection was not well received and I would suffer sever penalties if I were to post the incriminating photo on in this blog. Hilarity did ensue! 

Overall, the service was decent, the food, although not truly authentic, was gringo flavorful and served hot. The overall value was good with a total bill of only $40.64 with a 20% tip! Right at 10 bucks a head. Not too bad for bunch of south-of-the-border brothers. Try them out, you will probably like them.