Busters Restaurant - Eagle, ID.

Everything in life goes better with peanut butter (i.e. jelly, celery, ice cream, navels and yes, burgers!) I made the bold move to try the PB&J burger at Buster's in Eagle and I was pleasantly surprised. Granted, it wasn't a gourmet burger by any stretch of the word, but a pleasant combination, even when combined with lettuce, grape jelly, tomatoes, onions and pickles on a sesame seed bun! Don't knock it till you try it!

Mac & Cheese with Bacon Burger

PB&J Burger

I also had a taste of their Mac & Cheese with bacon burger and it proved to be good combination. Hell, we all know everything is better with bacon and I found myself wishing I had had a bit of it on my PB&J burger! The fries were typical disappointing  Idaho spuds which still baffles me. I've had better fries in just about every other state in the union. WTF?

Although not an establishment known for its fine cuisine, its fine decor or exceptional service, some of the flavor combinations are a welcomed deviation from the all too familiar Californication cuisine bastardizing the local food scene.

A Kuna Machaca (aka El Gallo Giro) - Kuna, ID

When you're a pig, you eat almost anything, but you prefer the good stuff like truffles. You root around hunting for those mysterious little fungal nodes day after day after day and all you ever come up with is slop; somebody else's garbage. Eventually, you tire of looking for something good to eat and you get hungry enough that you eat the aforementioned slop. It's not your first choice but you play the hand that's dealt you. Perhaps that is where the term sloppy seconds comes from. Not sure on that one, but I still wouldn't want to eat it.

If only pigs had jobs with monetary gains, opposable thumbs, the ability to read a menu, and some shorty shorts to cover their tiny little pink corkscrew-shaped wankers so as to not show them off and offend other patrons, thus causing mass hysteria and truly confusing the wine steward, they would simply be able to drive their Volkswagens to Kuna for a better than average Mexican style meal at El Gallo Giro.

Yum!

Some of the reviews of El Gallo Giro would lead you to believe it is the greatest food that our friends to the south could ever hope to produce. Reality would rate the food there at about a 6.5 out of ten. Combine the decent food with great service and excellent prices and you get a nice place for a casual meal.

I chose the machaca and was pleasantly surprised when I was presented with a simple bowl of tortilla soup as an appetizer. The soup had some flavor and was a welcomed start to my meal. The meat in the machaca was quite tender but the dish as a whole lacked salt to enhance the combination of flavors. The rice was a bit firm and the bits of cheese crumbles, which I can only assume were a queso fresco or a substitute of feta, added some much needed saltiness and was a nice touch.

Although Pumba or Maxwell will likely never get an opportunity to eat at El Gallo Giro, most patrons that decide to give this establishment a try will have a pleasant experience, won't get cork-screwed, and will end up going wee, wee, wee all the way home!

"A Kuna Machaca!

What a wonderful phrase

A Kuna Machaca!

Ain't no passing craze."

Taste of New Orleans - Wisconsin Dells

PEBBLE SCORE:

It has been said that "good rubber makes for a happy man". It's also been said that "happy cows come from California", but we all know that that's a load of crap! Good rubber is essential and does, indeed, make for a happy man! I have been trying to recall who came up with the phrase, but I really can't remember if it was Leonardo Da Vinci, the Michelin Man or the Trojan Horse. Regardless of its origins, the phrase remains the most inspiring fortune cookie quote since the delightful treats were invented by Shaka Khan. Or maybe it was Genghis Khan . . . . whatever! 

The only place I can think of where good rubber is actually not good, is in your food! But don't tell that to the folks over at Taste of New Orleans in Wisconsin Dells because it'll just bounce right off their beignets! 

We were in town for the Dells Chili Cookoff and found ourselves with a craving for something sweet and tasty after all of the heat and spices of the cookoff. Well, having recently visited New Orleans and falling head over heals with their beignets, we decided to drop in at the one restaurant that claims to be authentic New Orleans cuisine to see if they had some of heavenly pillows of goodness we had grown to love! 

The staff was as friendly as Katrina with the enthusiasm of gator poo. The decor appeared as if the owners had raided all of the Goodwill stores within a hundred miles and then threw them around while blindfolded. And the beignets? Well, lets just say that if you took a Goodyear Wrangler XT and filled it with old biscuit dough, then covered it with about a half inch of powdered sugar, you would actually have something a bit more edible than that which we were presented! Seriously! I couldn't even cut them with my fork and had to resort to a knife! RUBBER! We had one bite and were so exhausted afterwards that we decided to call it good and pay the bill! The server didn't even care that we didn't like the beignets and simply took our money and walked away, presumably to meet with his zombie minions! 

So if you are looking for genuine New Orleans in the heart of Wisconsin, don't look in the Dells! However, if you need a spare tire for your trailer, or if for some obscure reason you find yourself in a zombie apocalypse and in need of something to chew on, try the beignets over at Taste of New Orleans in Wisconsin Dells. Where you will be served by the living dead and the beignets will bounce off their bloody heads!

Foodie Quickie @ Waupaca Woods - Waupaca

Pebble Score:

If you like large quantities of food, like thirty-seven scrambled eggs when you only ordered two, and you also like your food to be of the highest quality with a touch of class and distinction, then perhaps you should look elsewhere. I say this only because, even though the former is true, the latter is posolutely not. You certainly get plenty of food for your money at Waupaca Woods Restaurant, but I would happily trade the ampleness of my plate for a little more quality of flavor. 

The speed of service matched that of my friend, Cecil Turtle. Not the quickest to get to the finish, but, with clean livin', the end is soon in sight. I was puzzled when the hamburger steak and eggs I had ordered was served with a steak knife. Not a good sign. And, after bending the tines off of three forks and wearing down the serrations on my regular knife, the irrational became self-explanatory. The hamburger steak was a little tough. Okay, maybe a lot tough. But, it had okay flavor and was about the size of, what I would imagine would be, one of Kate Gosslin's nipples. Only I could only hope to be the first to supple on the steak. 

Foodie Quickie @ La Pachanga - Plover WI

Pebble Score:

La Pachanga is the newest Mexican restaurant to migrate into the central Wisconsin area. "La Pachanga" is actually a Cuban term about dancing or music or something and it literally means: "The Pachanga". But what does "The Pachanga" have to do with Mexican food? Well, nothing, I guess. The only thing you need to know about The Pachanga is that they have pretty good food and pretty good service.

I tried the Chili Colorado with the hot ranchero sauce option even though I was quite puzzled as to what the entire dish had to do with our 38th state. I mean, strips of real beef, properly cooked rice, un-burnt beans and some warm corn tortillas do not remind me of Cartman's favorite Denver restaurant. It was only after my meal was placed before me that I had my very own Richard Dreyfuss Close Encounters moment . . . the meat looked like the Rocky Mountains! The jagged peaks of the strips of tender beef intertwined by cascading onion slivers that resembled the Gandy Dancer ski trail on Vail Mountain were all quite reminiscent of the Rockies and I was happy to have had at last felt that pioneering feeling of discovering the origins of a dish! Imagine my surprise , however, when the first bite reminded me less of the Rocky Mountains than that of Mount Kilauea. Great kick with pretty good flavor.

My experience was good and I hope that "La Pachanga" will survive the first six months. In my opinion, it is one of the best Mexican restaurants near the corner of Cedar Street and Post Road. 

Polonia Cafe - Polonia WI

Date of Visit: 4-01-2012

Time of Visit: 9:10 AM

Pebble Score:

Two Poles immigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

So, I am stomping on my brakes and typing this quite a bit slower than I normally would. Why? Well, if you have to ask, than I'm writing this for you. I, thought, I, would, put, in, an, extra, comma, now, and, then, to, slow, the, pace,, but, that, just, makes, me, look, like, I, am, part, of, the, "in", crowd. 

There is a misconception that Poles are from Poland, but, as a matter of fact, they come from either the North or the South. Despite the prejudice that surrounds Poles, they are responsible for a variety of inventions and discoveries that have all but dispelled the notion that they can't change a light bulb without ensuing hilarity or that they are easily coaxed out of a tree. Reality about Poles is quite contrary to popular beliefs: Poles are famous for their vaults and their beans; it was a Pole that won the first auto racing time trials; Presidents have relied on their systems to become elected; and Poles were instrumental  with the delivery of electricity to rural areas of the country.

We, as Americans, are familiar with many great slogans that have become the icons of this great nation. Slogans like: "Only you can prevent forest fires.", "Take a bite out of crime.", "A mind is a terrible thing to waste.", and "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.", are all shining examples of the intellectual minds at work within our marketing borders. Poles are in no way less than masters of the slogan. In fact, Pole masters have come up with a great new tag line that is one of the best I've ever encountered: "Poles, helping dancers pay their bills one dollar at a time!"

Food is another area where Poles excel, and although Pole masters have not come up with a slogan that epitomizes their strudel, kielbasa or pierogi, their eating establishments found throughout Wisconsin are typically a crap-shoot of mediocrity or fabulousness. Of the establishments I have encountered, the Polonia Cafe bullseyes more towards the fabulousness than the mediocrity. 

This little cafe in the middle of Polish America is a buzz with all of the locals and passers-by alike. I have had the pleasure of dining here on a couple of occasions and have never been disappointed with either the service or the food. Becky, our server on this Sunday morning, was pleasant and could take and dish out a bit of sass which gained her high marks in my book! The decor was laden with Packer paraphernalia (surprise!) but also displayed the pride and history of the town in the many vintage photographs that were scattered throughout. Perhaps the only downside to the atmosphere and feel of yesteryear, was the constant staccato sounds of tubas and accordions that blurted out from the little white discs from hell mounted on the ceiling.

This place is small and can get quite busy during prime meal hours, so if you don't like patrons that are waiting for a seat to salivate all over themselves while watching you eat your homemade meal, you may want to take a seat on the edges of the dining room or come in just before or after prime times.

You can judge the quality of the ingredients used in an establishment by the quality of the condiments on the tables. Polonia Cafe not only has the Smucker's jams and jellies, but they also provide the flavored International Delights creamers right at the table. The food that was delivered reflects the quality ingredients that are used and was perfectly cooked and quite flavorful with a hint of a seasoned cast iron. No salt was needed and I enjoyed every bite! 

I hope everyone that reads this post (both of you, thanks) will give this little gem in the midst of  Portage County and the Polish Heritage Highway a try to help support the local Polish community. Perhaps, together, we can finally put to rest the playground like bullying that has suppressed these great people and the Poles can finally stand erect. With a little work and a stroke of luck, there can be an erect Pole in all of us!

Foodie Quickie @ Solea - Appleton WI

The apparent bastard child of an illegal Mexican and a Polish immigrant, Solea delivers a bland selection of nondescript food lacking in personality, flavor, and distinction that evokes anyone with a pallet, not made of wood and stacked in a rodent infested warehouse, to cry out in pain and wonder if they had somehow traveled back to their infancy glued in to an out-of-date car seat strapped to a Flux Capacitor and were, in fact, eating an old jar of Gerber Squash (have you ever tried that stuff? Ewe!). Whereas, the Mexican side of the equation works hard to fill your need for sustenance with beans, rice and meat but forgot to bring the cumin along for good measure, the Polish side just sits there and wonders what to do and why their friendly one-armed cousin just fell out of a tree! The lack of flavor left my own pallet feeling lonely and completely disregarded by the entire student body . . . just like Jr. high school gym class. 

Frontier Restaurant - Amherst WI

Date of Visit: 3-25-2012

Time of Visit: 10:00 AM

Pebble Score:

Legends in Central Wisconsin have long told of the first hardy settlers in the area and how they drove their dairy herds from the Southern plains all the way up to the richest milking lands in the country. From Holsteins and their non-prejudistic black and white spots, to Jerseys with "R" pronunciation impediments, the majestic herds drove on through the rain, sleet, snow and darkness of night until they reached the lush and fertile grounds of the promised land. Although the journey was beset with difficulties, the settlers were instrumental in laying down the first building blocks of what is now the greatest cheese and butter producing region in the country. 

The cows were so happy that they rewarded the people with milk so rich in cream that the only thing to do was to make a pound of butter for each and every inhabitant in the area. This land was the frontier to butter giant Land-O-Lakes and paved the way for that cute little squaw on their butter package that if you fold the picture just right and cut out the top of her blouse, it looks like her breasts are hanging out!

After years of stockpiling butter instead of nuclear warheads, and an unfortunate event where the dairy section of the food pyramid became a side note on the new "food plate", a new avenue for butter consumption had to be found or we would risk sliding into a recession worse than the one that befell gyros. Luckily, restaurateurs across the nation heeded the call of the wild and have collectively managed to keep dairy farmers in Wisconsin operational. Now, any new charge must have a leader, and the restaurant leading the charge for butter consumption in the country is the Frontier Restaurant in Amherst, Wisconsin. 

I had the opportunity to visit this restaurant for breakfast on a beautiful Saturday morning where everyone, it appeared, was there to ensure I had the most wonderful eating experience of my existence. . . they failed. When a place is busy, I always expect a bit slower service and don't fault the staff, but personality is another story. Tina greeted us with the exuberance of an ocean tube worm and I could tell right away we were sliding off the borderline in a hurry! 

The decor was predominantly country and I found myself surrounded by wood. The tongue in groove kind and a host of other. We ordered at 10:11 am. I happily requested the 8-ounce chopped steak, over easy eggs, hash browns and home-made raisin toast, while my breakfast companion opted for the bacon and eggs plate. The drinks arrived six minutes later (that's 10:17 for those that can't add very fast) and then the food came at 10:33 a full 22 minutes after we ordered it. 

My egg whites had the consistency of a dried out Trojan, the steak was overcooked but was still juicy and had great grill marks with a small amount of seasoning. Too little for my taste. My companion's eggs were omelet like and were accompanied by tough bacon. Now I was out of coffee. I pushed my hash browns to the side and instantly regretted the move. The rush of butter to the center of my plate must have created an imbalance in the space time continuum and I instantly understood why everyone in town was here . . . to save the cows! 

My home made raisin toast, which I had been looking forward to trying, suffered a similar fate as the hash browns. I picked it up and managed to squeeze out about a teaspoon full of the oleo from each slice! Needless to say, I did not eat most of my breakfast. Tina asked me if I wanted a box to take home my leftovers, but I politely declined as I feared a return of the Blob and I knew Steve McQueen wouldn't be there to pull me out!

Ghee, even though my experience with the Frontier Restaurant and their eternal  stick-of-slick was not to my liking, there are many other folks who enjoy the establishment, so who am I to spread any ill feelings? Try them for yourself. I now wish I had taken that box from Tina because I am planning a trip to Mexico, and if I get a sunburn, I know I will hear my mother say, "Just put some butter on it!"