Serious Burger. Seriously!

How do you make a hormone? That is perhaps a more baffling question than "Why did the chicken cross the road?". As children, we were often told of the trials and tribulations of the disoriented chicken and the many reasons why it would ever want to cross the road. From "To cock-a-doodle-do something", or the standard "To get to the other side", the answer was never really known. That is, until now! 

According to the National Institute of Health, the real reason that chickens began crossing roads is because, much like humans, they developed a taste for artificial colors, man made ingredients and pink slime in their food. The cravings and sudden urges of the Gallus gallus domesticus brought on by the jonesing affect of monosodium glutamate and nitrate infested foods is the real reason behind the chicken's erratic behavior patterns. 

Those same patterns have recently been observed in humans. Additional studies by authorities such as the World Health Organization, the World Health Animal Trust and the Wholesome Hygiene Earth Resources Entity, have proven that 87.3% of all restaurant food consumed in the United States contains nearly 76% of the worlds badifoyasodum concentration! For those of you not familiar with the class of chemicals badifoyasodum, there are many articles referencing its use in the US food supply and additional information can be found by simple internet searches. Simply stated, badifoyasodum is the leading cause of crossing the road for no apparent reason among both chickens and humans alike! 

So, how does one avoid being poisoned with badifoyasodum (also known as BFD Syndrome)? It's really quite simple. STOP EATING CRAP FOOD! For starters, look for freshly prepared foods when you dine out. Food with minimal ingredients, rGBH free beef and organic labeling. Yes, these foods cost a bit more, but is it not worth your health to spend a bit more for quality?

 I bring all of this up because I recently stopped by Serious Burger in Appleton, Wisconsin. Yes, it is a bit pricier for a burger joint, but you get what you pay for! You can go to Five Guys (which I have on more than one occasion) and get mediocre food with ingredients that are only found on the banned list in many European countries and you will pay a bit less, but what are you getting? Nothing special. You might as well be eating slime burgers for what it's worth. 

The service at Serious burger was fine. The flavor of the beef and the quality of the fresh Brioche bun was outstanding! On my list of the top three burgers I have ever eaten! The fresh fried egg added richness to the entire experience and the seasoning was just right. The Truffle Oil fries were nothing special and I would recommend sticking to the regular fries, but that burger is certainly something to write about!

So if you have the taste buds of an average moron who enjoys a burger simply because it took more than four guys to make it and costs a bit less, by all means have it your way. But if you really want to enjoy the flavor of organic beef on a fresh bun and you have an extra buck to spend on your health, go to Serious Burger.

It only takes eating a Serious Burger to make you moan with pleasure. To make a hormone, however, you have to not pay her. 

Buca Di Beppo - Appleton WI

Pebble Score:

So what do Hulk Hogan, Jay Leno, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone and Lindsay Lohan have in common? Well, aside from naturally hairy chests, their aspirations of Popeness, and a love for the female form, they are all of Italian descent. 

Now, it is widely rumored, and accepted as fact, that all celebrities having any amount of Italian in their heritage, aspire to be Pope. After all, who else can throw tantrums, tell a large portion of the population how to live their lives, and wear silly hats? Unfortunately, due to the tremendous physical strain and the fact that only men can become Pope, the only one sure to endure through the rigors of Conclave and eventually be appointed as the Supreme Pontiff is, undoubtedly, Madonna. 

So why the big fuss over trying to become Pope? Is it the fancy robes, the many rings adorned with precious stones, the really cool Pope-Mobile, the fact that you own all Catholics, or, is it the young alter boys? No! All of these benefits can already be had by many celebrities. The one benefit of Popeship that can only be bestowed with Popedom, is the privilege of having your bust at the center of the Pope's Table at every Buca di Beppo restaurant! What could be better? Although many have had Madonna's bust, the pleasure has yet to be bestowed onto the center of a Buca di Beppo table. 

The only way we peasants can even get close to such an honor as having our busts at the center of a dining table (other than changing your name to Skittles, oiling yourself up and dancing for dollar bills on a table at Olive Garden), is to reserve the Pope Table at your favorite Buca di Beppo location. Well, not having 15 friends with whom to share the table at the new Appleton location, but still wanting to see what the fuss was all about, my dining partner and I had to settle for a small booth in a corner watched over by our server, Pat. 

The atmosphere is happily busy with about 17.2 million photos on the walls and the vibrant sounds of Italian music echoing through the entire space. 

We started our meal with a pricey little appetizer of Bruschetta [broo-sket-uh, -shet-uh; It. broo-sket-tah]. Crisp Italian bread covered with olive oil and Parmesan cheese. Individually sliced grape tomatoes and basil overflowed the top giving it a fresh and authentic flavor. The price point  of almost $11 was a little steep in my opinion (this is Appleton not LA), but the work that goes into it and the final result makes this appetizer for two almost worth the price. 

I chose the Tomato and Basil soup as my accompaniment. Presentation was a bit sloppy and could have used a few bits of fresh basil on top which would have really stood out against the color of the base. Flavor was a bit better than Campbell's, but the tomato seeds were not completely strained out of the soup and they ended up having the effect of large boulders on an otherwise smooth country road - Da da da da da da ........ BAM! Not to my liking. 

My entree was the popular Spaghetti with Meat Ball. Yes, "Meat Ball". Singular. Peerless. Only one. Having no other. Lance Armstrong. But, as Sheryl Crow might attest to, one is enough! The large meat balls served at this place are a meal in themselves! The spaghetti was cooked perfectly al dente. The sauce tasted fresh with lots of garlic slices and Italian goodness but had separated and left a puddle of flavor at the bottom of the bowl. The pasta had a hard time hanging on to the loose sauce and it was a bit difficult to incorporate all of the flavors onto each bite. The meat ball had a great flavor with well rounded herbs and spices and was reminiscent of my Aunt Bunny's meatloaf. I wouldn't mind having a couple of those balls on an Italian hoagie with fresh mozzarella and basil! 

Overall, my meal at Buca di Beppo was quite flavorful with a freshness not usually found in other Italian chain restaurants. I felt the lunch prices were a bit high for the area, maybe deterring some guests, and the prices are perhaps the reason for the less-than-stellar Urbanspoon rating. Perhaps all of those poor ratings are from those who do not appreciate the size of Buca's balls! Although not as large as Madonna's, when you experience one, it leaves you feeling like a virgin! 

Foodie Quickie @ Solea - Appleton WI

The apparent bastard child of an illegal Mexican and a Polish immigrant, Solea delivers a bland selection of nondescript food lacking in personality, flavor, and distinction that evokes anyone with a pallet, not made of wood and stacked in a rodent infested warehouse, to cry out in pain and wonder if they had somehow traveled back to their infancy glued in to an out-of-date car seat strapped to a Flux Capacitor and were, in fact, eating an old jar of Gerber Squash (have you ever tried that stuff? Ewe!). Whereas, the Mexican side of the equation works hard to fill your need for sustenance with beans, rice and meat but forgot to bring the cumin along for good measure, the Polish side just sits there and wonders what to do and why their friendly one-armed cousin just fell out of a tree! The lack of flavor left my own pallet feeling lonely and completely disregarded by the entire student body . . . just like Jr. high school gym class. 

Famous Dave's - Appleton, WI

Date of Visit: 3-15-2012

Time of Visit: 12:30

Pebble Score:

Chicken, ribs or steak, it don't matter what you cook. If it ain't been barbecued, then it don't cut it in my book. From the back roads of the deep South to the Texas panhandle, I have had the pleasure of sampling some of this country's best BBQ. Arthur Bryant's, Charles Vergos' Rendezvous, Baker's Ribs and countless other juke joints throughout the South have left me with an insatiable craving for that myoglobin/carbon monoxide reaction that can only come from slow smoking unsuspecting  and lethargic animals in huge pits of fire and brimstone! YUM! 

Enter, stage left, Famous Dave's. I first discovered Dave's BBQ at his Blues Club on Hennepin Avenue in Minneapolis soon after moving to Wisconsin from South Texas (what the hell was I thinking?). I enjoyed a great night of beer, blues and cue with some co-workers and I have been a loyal follower ever since!

I recently had the opportunity to sample Dave's Appleton, Wisconsin store. Same decor as most of his other stores (There's a sale at Penny's!) with the all too familiar aroma of burnt offerings coming from the kitchen. Those burnt offerings rejuvenate everything! If you close your eyes, you can see the old empty steel drums found by Billy Bob and Bubba down by that der canal over yonder, cut in half and brimming with hardwood coals and ashes. Betcha can get some good flavor from them drums. Heck, they got them bone pictures on 'em! But I digress. 

I was seated by the hostess (fancy!) and then ordered the Rib Tips (naked, of course) with the Roasted Chicken, BBQ beans and fries. Being the lunch rush, things took about 15 minutes, but I was able to entertain myself by scribbling dirty words, in alphabetical order (I have to do it in alphabetical order, I am a little CDO), on all of the sugar and not-so-sugar packets. The couple seated behind me must have thought me strange when I kept giggling and then kindly asked to exchange my container for theirs. Luckily, the food arrived before I got the letter "F". 

The naked tips were mounded on half my plate. I read a review of this restaurant on Urbanspoon by ManBearPig that you should never order the tips because they are meat scraps and the marrow leaks out of the bones. YUM! Apparently, this neanderthal had no idea that rib tips are short, meaty sections of rib that are attached to the lower end of the spare ribs, between the ribs and the sternum. Unlike back ribs or spare ribs, the structure of the rib is provided by dense costal cartilage, NOT BONE! Bonehead! Rib tips are cut away from the spare ribs when preparing St. Louis Style spare ribs.

Anyway, the tips were a bit greasy with loads of fat but the dry rub is full of flavor and lends itself quite well to be dunked with a multitude of sauces. The beans were great with a nice BBQ flavor and the chicken was a little dry but flavorful. Now, you might ask why I got my Rib Tips NAKED? Simple, really. If you get them naked, you can savor each one with a different sauce! The Texas Pit, Devil's Spit, and the Georgia Mustard are my favorites and I never, ever, use ketchup for my fries. With all of those sauces on the table, why would you use anything else?

Dave's Sauces

The service was okay, but nothing to write home about. So I won't write about it.

Overall, for a Northwoods boy, Dave does a fine job with BBQ and I am able to get my smoke fix whenever I have the occasion to be traveling near one of his joints. The best part of the meal was that wonderful corn muffin they serve on every plate! Like sucking Kansas through a bee's ass (maybe they will use that characterization in their menu)! Not sure how they make those delectable little morsels, but i'm certain Dave will be more than willing to share his recipe with me so I can then post it to this blog and become famous myself! But I'm not holding my breath because, just like the rib tips, there's a fat chance of that!