Michael Symon's B Spot - Strongsville, OH

Four of Five Pebbles

Have you ever hit the Spot? I mean, the Spot? That spot that makes you moan with pleasure, causes your heart to skip a beat, raises your blood pressure, over works your salivary glands, decreases your I.Q. and releases sticky, tasty juices that run all over your fingers and lips? Of course you haven't. That was a stupid question. Forget about it. Because if you had, you'd be doing it right now!

But let's get serious for a moment. Like Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, those famous explorer with a taste for wild adventures and indian maidens, some of us have set out on journeys in search of the elusive spot without the luxury of previous experience, guidance from our friends or parent (because they never found it either), nor any idea from Garmin of how to get to where we are going. Wherever that may be. You understand, don't you? It is quite difficult to define that which has only been found by a handful of over achievers who, up until recently, have kept the secret of the spot all to themselves. 

So zip up that droopy frown because there is still hope for us laypeople to whom the gods have yet to bestow the gift of discovery (yeah, we'll call it that). There are, in fact, a few that have come before us who are more than willing to share their wisdom and experience with those less fortunate than themselves. One particular bald member of this exclusive society is a talented and well known meat slinger by the name of Michael Symon.

Michael's legendary meat prowess is available to everyone with a few bucks to toss around in one of his B Spot burger restaurants. With numerous locations from which to choose, Michael makes it easy to find one of his spots. I chose the Strongsville, Ohio location for its proximity to mine and asked for the Red Hot Burger special.

The Red Hot burger, although a view at the right angle and light makes it appear other worldly (like food from Uranus), it is indeed quite flavorful and packs just enough of a kick. The soft brioche bun was well toasted but the bottom became soggy quickly with all of the juices that ran out when I gave the burger a gentle squeeze. That, unfortunately, left me having to use a knife and fork to finish. The barbecued pork atop the burger gave some nice acidity and was a Carolina style accompaniment. The burger patty was surprisingly tender and cooked a perfect medium (as I requested) with a bit of salt and pepper. With the addition of jalapeños and a layer of melted jack cheese, the flavors climax in your mouth and will keep you coming back for more!

The Lola fries were crispy and tender while the Lola ketchup, which tasted of ancho chili and cumin, paired well with them. Unfortunately, the onion rings left much to be desired and did not appear to have been hand breaded. If, in fact, they were of the frozen variety, I find it an unacceptable alternative in both class and flavor.

Overall, the flavors at this B Spot were spot-on (sorry) and far above the average burger joint. The speed at which my meal was served after I ordered was impressive, even by the standards of a thirteen-year-old boy with his father's bedside magazines.

The meal was enjoyable and I do believe the praises thus far received by Michael Symon are well deserved and likely to continue. After having had this experience and having been shown the way a burger should be, I now frequently have dreams of that wet, juicy goodness oozing around my finger and I find myself with a strange longing for another shot at the B Spot.

Rick's Press Room - Meridian ID

Stop the presses! There's something punny going on here!

Via buzzfeed.com

Headlines are what draw your interest to a newspaper and can sometimes make or break an edition. Not that anyone under the age of thirty knows what a newspaper is anymore, or even what news is that doesn't involve a social network link. Rick and Julie over at Rick's Press Room know a little bit about newspapers and headlines; or at least it would appear so to the casual observer in their little restaurant in downtown Meridian. The walls are littered with headlines of dead people and old crap nobody cares about anymore. But don't  judge the place by the decor.

The one thing everyone that comes to Rick's Press room does care about, other than trying to catch a glimpse of Guy Fieri and his trademark Comaro (give it up kids, Guy has left the building!), is the food that has received quite a few raves from some of the locals and international customers, many of which have adorned the walls of Rick's Press Room with their own headlines via Sharpie. So, I decided to follow the crowd and try out this little joint. 

I was in the mood to sniff out a good story and it just so happened that the smoker was spewing its little love puffs right outside the front entrance. Nice marketing! Not sure what was in the smoker, but I'm certain it was worthy of its own story below the fold. Now, I think I know what Rick and Julie (the owners - hence the name "Rick's Press Room" - keep up kids) were going for with the interior of the place; that eclectic, shabby, recycled newspaper design with a feeling of casualness and fun, but it was more reminiscent of my old college dorm room than a restaurant setting you would expect to see based on all of the published raves. But my college dorm room was a lot of fun and as I recall, there may have been a bit of smoking going on in there too. So, maybe it works. 

I asked about the specialties of the house and was told that pretty much everything was good (canned answer. C'mon, grow a pair! This is your chance to push the highest margin dish!). So I decided to go with a bit of seafood and ordered the Crab Melt with a bowl of the Clam Chowder. Say it with me . . . chow-dah! My dining partner had the raved about burger with simple bacon and cheddar (che dah). we also ordered a loaf of their warm sour dough bread with butter to get our taste buds hopping. 

As promised, the bread was warm and also moist in the center with a crispy crust. The accompanying real butter was a nice contrast to the whipped look-a-likes you normally get at restaurants. Not bad.

The chowder was the soup of the day and I found myself wishing for a little more density to the bowl. A bit loose for my taste and a little shy on flavor, but it did have plenty of clams, potatoes and celery and went well with a bit of the sour dough bread. Pretty good, but not great. 

The crab melt was not what I expected. The copious amounts of mayo and Parmesan really overwhelmed the mechanically separated crab meat, that didn't have much flavor to begin with, and it became lost in the struggle for prominence within the sandwich. The crab filling was topped with melted Swiss cheese. Typically, the blending of cheese and seafood is a no-no situation and liable to make chefs and food critics a bit crabby. In this instance, I happen to agree. Even though there was a good amount of crab meat in the filling, the combination of the other heavy handed ingredients really didn't do the sandwich any favors and I would have opted for a smaller portion with an emphasis on the crab than the mayo and cheese. 

The burger was cooked well done (as requested by my dining partner) but still retained its moisture and was tender. A bit of salt would have enhance the meat flavor. The bacon was slightly limp but not bad and the cheddar was typical for the area. The accompaniments seemed fresh and crisp, but the most redeeming quality of the burger was the bun; it was warm, moist and was toasted nicely for a bit more added texture. The fries . . . . frozen! Seriously?! We are in Idaho, people. What does it take to get some good fries around here?! The service we received was outstanding! Prompt, attentive, but not overbearing. Kudos!

Overall, really not a bad meal, no headlines worthy of the National Enquirer, but maybe the Red Bud Gazette might be an option. 

Culver's - Twin Falls ID

Wisconsin is known to many as only having two distinct seasons; nine months of winter and three months of bad sledding. But weather is not the only thing that I remember about the state; cool summers, no poisonous snakes, Badgers, brats, pig on a cow (you gotta be from there to get that one), a bar on every corner (sometimes two) and the omnipresent fried cheese curds are all iconic images that are conjured up whenever you think about the dairy state. Oh yeah, there is one more thing . . . Butterburgers!

Butterburgers are another icon that have been making their way out of the borders of Wisconsin, and we have Culver's to thank for it! Culver's, from its origins in Sauk City, WI (a location I have personally frequented), to their newest location in the heart of Idaho, has been providing some of the best quick service burgers in the country! Andrew Zimmern seems to also agree with my opinion over at his site.

Photo from Culver's.com

I migrated to Idaho less than a year ago and have been jonesing for a good quick service burger since I got here, so when I heard of the new Culver's Twin Falls location, I made a point to schedule a visitation! As I pulled up to the parking lot, I felt right at home! The interior was also reminiscent of all other locations and I began to anticipate the flavors.

I was greeted with extreme warmth. And even though the young girl taking my order was new, she was being assisted by the owner's mother who was there from Beloit Wisconsin to help her son open the store and train the new employees. Shen engaged each customer and thanked them for coming in. A nice personal touch.

The food at Culver's has always been quick and delicious. The fries are always hot and fresh and I have never had a complaint about messed up orders or poor quality food. Never. Today was no exception. Good food and friendly service at a  reasonable price. Add to that the cheese curds and the frozen custard and you just made me a very happy customer!

I sincerely hope that Culver's continues their expansion into Idaho. Rumor has it that a Meridian location is planned for 2015 which is where I currently reside. I, for one, can't wait!

Farewell to Urbanspoon. You suck!

It is with great sadness that I announce the removal of my blog from Urbanspoon. Urbanspoon passed away from my repertoire of ratings sites after a long battle with my writing style and its inability to understand the term "profanity".

Urbanspoon was always a pretty good fiddle player. In fact, with a lot of practice, its fame grew rapidly over the years and evn though it never quite made it to Carnegie Hall, Urbanspoon eventually became second fiddle to other players such as TripAdviser, Zagat, Yelp and, of course, the piece of corn I shat out last week.

Here is a picture of Urbanspoon I borrowed from a great blogger (I hope he doesn't mind). You can find him at http://danielshortell.com/:

Urbanspoon is survived by a slough of bland, vanilla, poorly-written, Liberal-I-can't-think-for-myself putrefied food blogs who wouldn't know how to wipe their own corn holes if there wasn't a welfare check attached to it.

Rest in peace, Urbanspoon!

Busters Restaurant - Eagle, ID.

Everything in life goes better with peanut butter (i.e. jelly, celery, ice cream, navels and yes, burgers!) I made the bold move to try the PB&J burger at Buster's in Eagle and I was pleasantly surprised. Granted, it wasn't a gourmet burger by any stretch of the word, but a pleasant combination, even when combined with lettuce, grape jelly, tomatoes, onions and pickles on a sesame seed bun! Don't knock it till you try it!

Mac & Cheese with Bacon Burger

PB&J Burger

I also had a taste of their Mac & Cheese with bacon burger and it proved to be good combination. Hell, we all know everything is better with bacon and I found myself wishing I had had a bit of it on my PB&J burger! The fries were typical disappointing  Idaho spuds which still baffles me. I've had better fries in just about every other state in the union. WTF?

Although not an establishment known for its fine cuisine, its fine decor or exceptional service, some of the flavor combinations are a welcomed deviation from the all too familiar Californication cuisine bastardizing the local food scene.

Yard House - Meridian, ID

Didn't your mother ever tell you to go out and play in the yard? Did you go out there with your underwear outside of your pajamas with your Mickey Mouse towel cape and pretend you were a Green Beret, or Bear Grylls, or perhaps Gilligan sneaking a three hour peak at Marianne in a grass skirt? Or was that just me?

So it was just me. I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is ordering a hamburger cooked medium and getting one that is cooked well done! Dry meat in between dry buns is not an ideal situation. Not even in the bedroom. A dry burger patty is a rookie mistake and it's exactly what I got at Yard House.

Surf and Turf Burger

I chose to try the Surf and Turf burger. At about $15, it is topped with Maine lobster sauteed in garlic butter, grilled asparagus and Swiss cheese, all on a bed of raw spinach with a side of tomato Bearnaise and a brioche bun. Great combination. The lobster was tender (shocker) and the tomato Bearnaise was actually quite flavorful but not to the point of being overwhelming to the rest of the flavors in the stack. The meat, although a bit dry since it was overcooked, still held on to a bit of char and flavor which made it quite pleasant. Overall, the burger had good flavor but lacked a bit of moisture internally. I chose to moisten my meal with a traditional flight of brews. At least the beer was wet and offered a nice contrast to the burger. Many beers from which to choose. The accompanying fries and service were nothing to write home, or blog, about, so I won't.

I had a decent experience and I would be tempted to try other dishes and beer flight combinations in the future. So, if you are in the mood for a burger experience that's slightly better than you can belly up to at the counter, try The Yard. It's better than any dangly goat balls Mr. Grylls would likely eat, but not as juicy as you might expect from a three hour tour.

Pebble Score

The Counter - Meridian ID

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to challenge yourself how you think about burgers. At least that's what the folks over at The Counter want you to do. They are about creative construction and feel they make things delicious with what I am convinced must be Monsanto inspired ingredients. Life is about experiences, and if you want to try stuff, learn something or be creative, try your local college dorm. There, you will not only have more fun picking off the scabs you got from your last sexual escapade, but will so intensify your senses from the endless consumption of gourmet frozen-burrito-ramen-noodle-doo, that you will actually enjoy paying high prices for the food at The Counter.

It is without a doubt in my mind that the vast number of toppings available for your creation can only be made possible through the efforts of Nicolas Appert and the magic of butylated hydrocyanisole and hydroxytoluene. How else can they afford to keep that many ingredients in one place? I hope I'm wrong and that their Market Selections are in fact sourced daily and not preserved.

My particular creation started with the hormone and antibiotic free beef, then it was topped with Gouda cheese (a personal favorite), sun-dried tomatoes, roasted green chilies, and the roasted garlic aioli all on a standard brioche bun to preserve the flavor of the ingredients. Along with the Parmesan fries, it all sounded like a delightful and flavorful combination to me! This is what it looked like:

Now, don't let the looks fool you! The burger was in desperate need of salt and was simply not impressive; the bun was dry, the tomatoes had little flavor, the garlic aioli was okay but still lacked garlic and the green chilies tasted like, well, what you might imagine a Leprechaun penis would taste like . . . green with a just a hint of Guinness! The Parmesan fries were dissolving in their own grease and became more limp than the aforementioned Leprechaun.

The only redeeming quality of The Counter was the service! Our server and the rest of the staff were fantastic. Friendly, welcoming and efficient, almost to a fault. A wonderful crew, indeed and I would go back and try a shake just to be served by them one more time.

My personal burger combination at The Counter was not at all what I had built up in my mind and the cost made the whole meal even harder to swallow. With over 312,120 ways to to build your burgers, you could spend a lifetime creating and devouring different combinations! Unfortunately, only one combination was enough to convince me that there were perhaps 312,119 too many. Consider me disappointed.

Pebble Score

A Kuna Machaca (aka El Gallo Giro) - Kuna, ID

When you're a pig, you eat almost anything, but you prefer the good stuff like truffles. You root around hunting for those mysterious little fungal nodes day after day after day and all you ever come up with is slop; somebody else's garbage. Eventually, you tire of looking for something good to eat and you get hungry enough that you eat the aforementioned slop. It's not your first choice but you play the hand that's dealt you. Perhaps that is where the term sloppy seconds comes from. Not sure on that one, but I still wouldn't want to eat it.

If only pigs had jobs with monetary gains, opposable thumbs, the ability to read a menu, and some shorty shorts to cover their tiny little pink corkscrew-shaped wankers so as to not show them off and offend other patrons, thus causing mass hysteria and truly confusing the wine steward, they would simply be able to drive their Volkswagens to Kuna for a better than average Mexican style meal at El Gallo Giro.

Yum!

Some of the reviews of El Gallo Giro would lead you to believe it is the greatest food that our friends to the south could ever hope to produce. Reality would rate the food there at about a 6.5 out of ten. Combine the decent food with great service and excellent prices and you get a nice place for a casual meal.

I chose the machaca and was pleasantly surprised when I was presented with a simple bowl of tortilla soup as an appetizer. The soup had some flavor and was a welcomed start to my meal. The meat in the machaca was quite tender but the dish as a whole lacked salt to enhance the combination of flavors. The rice was a bit firm and the bits of cheese crumbles, which I can only assume were a queso fresco or a substitute of feta, added some much needed saltiness and was a nice touch.

Although Pumba or Maxwell will likely never get an opportunity to eat at El Gallo Giro, most patrons that decide to give this establishment a try will have a pleasant experience, won't get cork-screwed, and will end up going wee, wee, wee all the way home!

"A Kuna Machaca!

What a wonderful phrase

A Kuna Machaca!

Ain't no passing craze."

Serious Burger. Seriously!

How do you make a hormone? That is perhaps a more baffling question than "Why did the chicken cross the road?". As children, we were often told of the trials and tribulations of the disoriented chicken and the many reasons why it would ever want to cross the road. From "To cock-a-doodle-do something", or the standard "To get to the other side", the answer was never really known. That is, until now! 

According to the National Institute of Health, the real reason that chickens began crossing roads is because, much like humans, they developed a taste for artificial colors, man made ingredients and pink slime in their food. The cravings and sudden urges of the Gallus gallus domesticus brought on by the jonesing affect of monosodium glutamate and nitrate infested foods is the real reason behind the chicken's erratic behavior patterns. 

Those same patterns have recently been observed in humans. Additional studies by authorities such as the World Health Organization, the World Health Animal Trust and the Wholesome Hygiene Earth Resources Entity, have proven that 87.3% of all restaurant food consumed in the United States contains nearly 76% of the worlds badifoyasodum concentration! For those of you not familiar with the class of chemicals badifoyasodum, there are many articles referencing its use in the US food supply and additional information can be found by simple internet searches. Simply stated, badifoyasodum is the leading cause of crossing the road for no apparent reason among both chickens and humans alike! 

So, how does one avoid being poisoned with badifoyasodum (also known as BFD Syndrome)? It's really quite simple. STOP EATING CRAP FOOD! For starters, look for freshly prepared foods when you dine out. Food with minimal ingredients, rGBH free beef and organic labeling. Yes, these foods cost a bit more, but is it not worth your health to spend a bit more for quality?

 I bring all of this up because I recently stopped by Serious Burger in Appleton, Wisconsin. Yes, it is a bit pricier for a burger joint, but you get what you pay for! You can go to Five Guys (which I have on more than one occasion) and get mediocre food with ingredients that are only found on the banned list in many European countries and you will pay a bit less, but what are you getting? Nothing special. You might as well be eating slime burgers for what it's worth. 

The service at Serious burger was fine. The flavor of the beef and the quality of the fresh Brioche bun was outstanding! On my list of the top three burgers I have ever eaten! The fresh fried egg added richness to the entire experience and the seasoning was just right. The Truffle Oil fries were nothing special and I would recommend sticking to the regular fries, but that burger is certainly something to write about!

So if you have the taste buds of an average moron who enjoys a burger simply because it took more than four guys to make it and costs a bit less, by all means have it your way. But if you really want to enjoy the flavor of organic beef on a fresh bun and you have an extra buck to spend on your health, go to Serious Burger.

It only takes eating a Serious Burger to make you moan with pleasure. To make a hormone, however, you have to not pay her. 

Bronks Bar and Grill - Lake City, MN

Have you ever had sex with a rodeo clown? Never mind, that question is stupid. Nobody has. Not even the Insane Clown Posse and they have both the words "clown" and "posse" in their name! But have you ever stopped to think "why" nobody has sex with rodeo clowns? Me neither. That train of thought would only end up as a fiery pile of crap at the bottom of Shonash Ravine.

Anyway, as you try and wrap your mind around rodeo clown sex and the possibility that Harry the Bull and his band of Gifted Bovines is somehow responsible for the complete lack of some true bull on clown action, turn your thoughts to a little slice of Food Network Television that features Chef Robert Irvine trying to save failing restaurants from their own stupidity and turn them into Dollar Store phenoms with a better menu. 

One particular episode that recently caught my eye was filmed in Lake City, Minnesota and the location is only a few hours away from me. I couldn't resist. This was going to be a nice surprise or an utter disappointment. 

The atmosphere of the place was not bad and I was greeted warmly and sat immediately. In fact, the color scheme was welcoming and I noted several of the improvements which I had seen on the show. The place was at about 25% capacity so I didn't expect any delays. The long drive had me famished and I could have eaten the ass off a dead rhinoceros! So I sat . . . . 8 minutes for my water . . . . . 15 minutes for my appetizer of fresh cheese curds. Now, here is where things actually get interesting; the curds were outstanding and the three home made sauces of spicy ketchup, honey mustard, and horseradish mayo were all quite flavorful! A pleasant surprise, but I wouldn't expect anything less from recipes by the great Chef Irvine. I ordered my burger at the same time as the appetizer so I expected to be served in short order. 

Chirp, chirp, chirp. 

With very little to do, the servers apparently concluded that they didn't need to participate in the actual practice of serving and my water ran dry. Where's Jesus when you need him? After 37 minutes, I noted that the booth behind me, which had been seated when I arrived, finally got their food. Not a good sign. 

Chirp, chirp, chirp.

48 minutes in and I flagged one of the ladies down and got a refill on my water. She apologized for the delay but had no conclusion as to the whereabouts of my burger. In the meantime, a young hippie family seated across from me had allowed their 4 year-old to play loud video games on their iPhone without regard to the rest of the clientele. My flaring nerves cast a look of such searing hatred towards the alleged father that he immediately grabbed the phone and turned it down (much to the dismay of his child). 

Chirp, chirp, chirp (at least it wasn't a stupid iPhone game anymore). 

72 minutes. ENOUGH! I got up and asked one of the servers for a status and they had no answer. I handed her cash to pay for my now digested and wanting released appetizer. Then I walked. Disappointed, hungry and pissed off!

This was, by far, the slowest service in burger history. I applaud Chef Irvine for his work, but perhaps he should have stayed home and allowed this one to fail because all he apparently did was prolong the misery. A  misery that, along with wanting loins of Joan Rivers and her plastic vagina, would only be satisfied by becoming the enslaved rodeo sex clown of Harry and his Gifted Bovines. 

Taste of New Orleans - Wisconsin Dells

PEBBLE SCORE:

It has been said that "good rubber makes for a happy man". It's also been said that "happy cows come from California", but we all know that that's a load of crap! Good rubber is essential and does, indeed, make for a happy man! I have been trying to recall who came up with the phrase, but I really can't remember if it was Leonardo Da Vinci, the Michelin Man or the Trojan Horse. Regardless of its origins, the phrase remains the most inspiring fortune cookie quote since the delightful treats were invented by Shaka Khan. Or maybe it was Genghis Khan . . . . whatever! 

The only place I can think of where good rubber is actually not good, is in your food! But don't tell that to the folks over at Taste of New Orleans in Wisconsin Dells because it'll just bounce right off their beignets! 

We were in town for the Dells Chili Cookoff and found ourselves with a craving for something sweet and tasty after all of the heat and spices of the cookoff. Well, having recently visited New Orleans and falling head over heals with their beignets, we decided to drop in at the one restaurant that claims to be authentic New Orleans cuisine to see if they had some of heavenly pillows of goodness we had grown to love! 

The staff was as friendly as Katrina with the enthusiasm of gator poo. The decor appeared as if the owners had raided all of the Goodwill stores within a hundred miles and then threw them around while blindfolded. And the beignets? Well, lets just say that if you took a Goodyear Wrangler XT and filled it with old biscuit dough, then covered it with about a half inch of powdered sugar, you would actually have something a bit more edible than that which we were presented! Seriously! I couldn't even cut them with my fork and had to resort to a knife! RUBBER! We had one bite and were so exhausted afterwards that we decided to call it good and pay the bill! The server didn't even care that we didn't like the beignets and simply took our money and walked away, presumably to meet with his zombie minions! 

So if you are looking for genuine New Orleans in the heart of Wisconsin, don't look in the Dells! However, if you need a spare tire for your trailer, or if for some obscure reason you find yourself in a zombie apocalypse and in need of something to chew on, try the beignets over at Taste of New Orleans in Wisconsin Dells. Where you will be served by the living dead and the beignets will bounce off their bloody heads!

Foodie Quickie @ Waupaca Woods - Waupaca

Pebble Score:

If you like large quantities of food, like thirty-seven scrambled eggs when you only ordered two, and you also like your food to be of the highest quality with a touch of class and distinction, then perhaps you should look elsewhere. I say this only because, even though the former is true, the latter is posolutely not. You certainly get plenty of food for your money at Waupaca Woods Restaurant, but I would happily trade the ampleness of my plate for a little more quality of flavor. 

The speed of service matched that of my friend, Cecil Turtle. Not the quickest to get to the finish, but, with clean livin', the end is soon in sight. I was puzzled when the hamburger steak and eggs I had ordered was served with a steak knife. Not a good sign. And, after bending the tines off of three forks and wearing down the serrations on my regular knife, the irrational became self-explanatory. The hamburger steak was a little tough. Okay, maybe a lot tough. But, it had okay flavor and was about the size of, what I would imagine would be, one of Kate Gosslin's nipples. Only I could only hope to be the first to supple on the steak. 

Foodie Quickie @ La Pachanga - Plover WI

Pebble Score:

La Pachanga is the newest Mexican restaurant to migrate into the central Wisconsin area. "La Pachanga" is actually a Cuban term about dancing or music or something and it literally means: "The Pachanga". But what does "The Pachanga" have to do with Mexican food? Well, nothing, I guess. The only thing you need to know about The Pachanga is that they have pretty good food and pretty good service.

I tried the Chili Colorado with the hot ranchero sauce option even though I was quite puzzled as to what the entire dish had to do with our 38th state. I mean, strips of real beef, properly cooked rice, un-burnt beans and some warm corn tortillas do not remind me of Cartman's favorite Denver restaurant. It was only after my meal was placed before me that I had my very own Richard Dreyfuss Close Encounters moment . . . the meat looked like the Rocky Mountains! The jagged peaks of the strips of tender beef intertwined by cascading onion slivers that resembled the Gandy Dancer ski trail on Vail Mountain were all quite reminiscent of the Rockies and I was happy to have had at last felt that pioneering feeling of discovering the origins of a dish! Imagine my surprise , however, when the first bite reminded me less of the Rocky Mountains than that of Mount Kilauea. Great kick with pretty good flavor.

My experience was good and I hope that "La Pachanga" will survive the first six months. In my opinion, it is one of the best Mexican restaurants near the corner of Cedar Street and Post Road. 

Buca Di Beppo - Appleton WI

Pebble Score:

So what do Hulk Hogan, Jay Leno, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro, Sylvester Stallone and Lindsay Lohan have in common? Well, aside from naturally hairy chests, their aspirations of Popeness, and a love for the female form, they are all of Italian descent. 

Now, it is widely rumored, and accepted as fact, that all celebrities having any amount of Italian in their heritage, aspire to be Pope. After all, who else can throw tantrums, tell a large portion of the population how to live their lives, and wear silly hats? Unfortunately, due to the tremendous physical strain and the fact that only men can become Pope, the only one sure to endure through the rigors of Conclave and eventually be appointed as the Supreme Pontiff is, undoubtedly, Madonna. 

So why the big fuss over trying to become Pope? Is it the fancy robes, the many rings adorned with precious stones, the really cool Pope-Mobile, the fact that you own all Catholics, or, is it the young alter boys? No! All of these benefits can already be had by many celebrities. The one benefit of Popeship that can only be bestowed with Popedom, is the privilege of having your bust at the center of the Pope's Table at every Buca di Beppo restaurant! What could be better? Although many have had Madonna's bust, the pleasure has yet to be bestowed onto the center of a Buca di Beppo table. 

The only way we peasants can even get close to such an honor as having our busts at the center of a dining table (other than changing your name to Skittles, oiling yourself up and dancing for dollar bills on a table at Olive Garden), is to reserve the Pope Table at your favorite Buca di Beppo location. Well, not having 15 friends with whom to share the table at the new Appleton location, but still wanting to see what the fuss was all about, my dining partner and I had to settle for a small booth in a corner watched over by our server, Pat. 

The atmosphere is happily busy with about 17.2 million photos on the walls and the vibrant sounds of Italian music echoing through the entire space. 

We started our meal with a pricey little appetizer of Bruschetta [broo-sket-uh, -shet-uh; It. broo-sket-tah]. Crisp Italian bread covered with olive oil and Parmesan cheese. Individually sliced grape tomatoes and basil overflowed the top giving it a fresh and authentic flavor. The price point  of almost $11 was a little steep in my opinion (this is Appleton not LA), but the work that goes into it and the final result makes this appetizer for two almost worth the price. 

I chose the Tomato and Basil soup as my accompaniment. Presentation was a bit sloppy and could have used a few bits of fresh basil on top which would have really stood out against the color of the base. Flavor was a bit better than Campbell's, but the tomato seeds were not completely strained out of the soup and they ended up having the effect of large boulders on an otherwise smooth country road - Da da da da da da ........ BAM! Not to my liking. 

My entree was the popular Spaghetti with Meat Ball. Yes, "Meat Ball". Singular. Peerless. Only one. Having no other. Lance Armstrong. But, as Sheryl Crow might attest to, one is enough! The large meat balls served at this place are a meal in themselves! The spaghetti was cooked perfectly al dente. The sauce tasted fresh with lots of garlic slices and Italian goodness but had separated and left a puddle of flavor at the bottom of the bowl. The pasta had a hard time hanging on to the loose sauce and it was a bit difficult to incorporate all of the flavors onto each bite. The meat ball had a great flavor with well rounded herbs and spices and was reminiscent of my Aunt Bunny's meatloaf. I wouldn't mind having a couple of those balls on an Italian hoagie with fresh mozzarella and basil! 

Overall, my meal at Buca di Beppo was quite flavorful with a freshness not usually found in other Italian chain restaurants. I felt the lunch prices were a bit high for the area, maybe deterring some guests, and the prices are perhaps the reason for the less-than-stellar Urbanspoon rating. Perhaps all of those poor ratings are from those who do not appreciate the size of Buca's balls! Although not as large as Madonna's, when you experience one, it leaves you feeling like a virgin! 

Grazie's Italian Grill - Stevens Point

grazie (Italian):  

a grateful feeling or acknowledgment of a benefit, favor, or the like, expressed by words or otherwise. Thank you.

In other words, Grazie means: "thanks". Many Italians use the word "grazie" when they receive great service, food, gifts, compliments, origami and hand jobs. "Grazie" is also the majority stockholder name of a semi-Italian-like restaurant in Stevens Point, WI . . . "Grazie's Italian Grill". Now, it is a known fact that Italian men (many of which are named Tony because of an oversight on Ellis Island where many of them had written "to NY" on their foreheads to ensure they would arrive in New York), are quite fond of pizza pies (among others). So, in the spirit of all those consequential Tonys, we decided to try out Grazie's pizza. 

I am quite the fan of pizza and most Italian food. However, as a good friend of mine named Tony once said, "Ogni regola ha un' eccezione". Translation: "There is an exception to every rule". Grazies is the exception to my like of Italian food. I ordered a pepperoni and sausage pizza and some Cheezy-er Cheese Bread. What I got was an oxymoron. No cheese and very little sausage and pepperoni rounded out the meal. The ingredients themselves were of a lackluster quality and were actually more reminiscent of another friend of mine's pizza empire. Perhaps you've heard of him . . . Tony, the owner of Tony's Pizza found in nearly every corner of the non-Italian world. 

Both the 16" pizza and the Cheezy-less bread weighed in at an astonishing 1.09 ounces, which I have since learned is the result of the small amounts of yeast in the crust that cause it to rise and become lighter than air. The sauce was okay, but the meager scattering of toppings really made the whole pie taste like cardboard, salty tomatoes and Sasquatch meat. The reason for the lack of a photograph in this review is the fact that there was no cheese; therefore, no smile and no click of the shutter. 

So if you find yourself in need of a pie of the Italian variety, but without the Buckwheat hairdo, take a walk down to your local grocery or convenience store and let my friend Tony hook you up. His pizzas are better tasting, cheaper, and won't break your wallet or your arm. And, if by chance, Tony offers you something other than a great tasting pie at a reasonable price, just tell him: "No Grazie's!"

Polonia Cafe - Polonia WI

Date of Visit: 4-01-2012

Time of Visit: 9:10 AM

Pebble Score:

Two Poles immigrated to America. On their first day in New York City, they spotted a hot dog vendor in the street. "Do they eat dogs in America?" one asked the other. "I dunno." "Well, we're going to live here, so we might as well learn to do as they do." So they each bought a hot dog wrapped up and sat down to eat them on a nearby park bench. One Pole looked at his hot dog, then over at the other Pole and asked, "What part did you get?"

So, I am stomping on my brakes and typing this quite a bit slower than I normally would. Why? Well, if you have to ask, than I'm writing this for you. I, thought, I, would, put, in, an, extra, comma, now, and, then, to, slow, the, pace,, but, that, just, makes, me, look, like, I, am, part, of, the, "in", crowd. 

There is a misconception that Poles are from Poland, but, as a matter of fact, they come from either the North or the South. Despite the prejudice that surrounds Poles, they are responsible for a variety of inventions and discoveries that have all but dispelled the notion that they can't change a light bulb without ensuing hilarity or that they are easily coaxed out of a tree. Reality about Poles is quite contrary to popular beliefs: Poles are famous for their vaults and their beans; it was a Pole that won the first auto racing time trials; Presidents have relied on their systems to become elected; and Poles were instrumental  with the delivery of electricity to rural areas of the country.

We, as Americans, are familiar with many great slogans that have become the icons of this great nation. Slogans like: "Only you can prevent forest fires.", "Take a bite out of crime.", "A mind is a terrible thing to waste.", and "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.", are all shining examples of the intellectual minds at work within our marketing borders. Poles are in no way less than masters of the slogan. In fact, Pole masters have come up with a great new tag line that is one of the best I've ever encountered: "Poles, helping dancers pay their bills one dollar at a time!"

Food is another area where Poles excel, and although Pole masters have not come up with a slogan that epitomizes their strudel, kielbasa or pierogi, their eating establishments found throughout Wisconsin are typically a crap-shoot of mediocrity or fabulousness. Of the establishments I have encountered, the Polonia Cafe bullseyes more towards the fabulousness than the mediocrity. 

This little cafe in the middle of Polish America is a buzz with all of the locals and passers-by alike. I have had the pleasure of dining here on a couple of occasions and have never been disappointed with either the service or the food. Becky, our server on this Sunday morning, was pleasant and could take and dish out a bit of sass which gained her high marks in my book! The decor was laden with Packer paraphernalia (surprise!) but also displayed the pride and history of the town in the many vintage photographs that were scattered throughout. Perhaps the only downside to the atmosphere and feel of yesteryear, was the constant staccato sounds of tubas and accordions that blurted out from the little white discs from hell mounted on the ceiling.

This place is small and can get quite busy during prime meal hours, so if you don't like patrons that are waiting for a seat to salivate all over themselves while watching you eat your homemade meal, you may want to take a seat on the edges of the dining room or come in just before or after prime times.

You can judge the quality of the ingredients used in an establishment by the quality of the condiments on the tables. Polonia Cafe not only has the Smucker's jams and jellies, but they also provide the flavored International Delights creamers right at the table. The food that was delivered reflects the quality ingredients that are used and was perfectly cooked and quite flavorful with a hint of a seasoned cast iron. No salt was needed and I enjoyed every bite! 

I hope everyone that reads this post (both of you, thanks) will give this little gem in the midst of  Portage County and the Polish Heritage Highway a try to help support the local Polish community. Perhaps, together, we can finally put to rest the playground like bullying that has suppressed these great people and the Poles can finally stand erect. With a little work and a stroke of luck, there can be an erect Pole in all of us!

Foodie Quickie @ Solea - Appleton WI

The apparent bastard child of an illegal Mexican and a Polish immigrant, Solea delivers a bland selection of nondescript food lacking in personality, flavor, and distinction that evokes anyone with a pallet, not made of wood and stacked in a rodent infested warehouse, to cry out in pain and wonder if they had somehow traveled back to their infancy glued in to an out-of-date car seat strapped to a Flux Capacitor and were, in fact, eating an old jar of Gerber Squash (have you ever tried that stuff? Ewe!). Whereas, the Mexican side of the equation works hard to fill your need for sustenance with beans, rice and meat but forgot to bring the cumin along for good measure, the Polish side just sits there and wonders what to do and why their friendly one-armed cousin just fell out of a tree! The lack of flavor left my own pallet feeling lonely and completely disregarded by the entire student body . . . just like Jr. high school gym class.